Life

Life is like a river.
As so many had said the same.
But still a flow of an eternal grace.
Let people call it fourth dimesion, or the uncomprehendable for the lesser.
But all it means is to flow.
The uncomprehendble isn’t the unfelt.
But from every unexpressable things so much felt.
Every subtle sound of a rain drop,
Every rainbow; from those sprinkles
Of water drops in the glow of sun,
Did it convey a feeling unfathomable?
Call it whatever you like to.
But tell me haven’t you ever?
It’s that question devoid of egos,
And to ask you again, didn’t it energise your chords?
Let it be recital of an “unequal music”,
Or the chants of the chords enigmatic!
Or the the interpreter of rhythms uninterpretable.
Or perhaps the melodies undefinable.
Yes, that is life – what I felt like!
Above the plane of perception, it still flows comfortably
Over and over
Till the last leaf that falls,
And the last words that stands for ever …..
…………………………………………………

The Rationalist and the Mystic

The yin recited melodies;
Bombarment of feelings unexplainable.
The yang offended and deffended with arguements convincing.
But who defined the planes still remained a mystry.
And what ever they said, both went in harmony is all what I felt.

I can’t explain why I write this. May be because I’m overwhelmed by one of them (I mean in comparison). The issue so far had been discriminating Yin as “feminine” attitude and “Yang” as “masculine”. But aren’t there “yin” nature in males (biologically and psychologically) and “yang” in females too? I feel so. The classifications and discriminations come, once we look below that plane. The statistical classification of females being “yin” and males representing “yang” was only based on numbers that the people saw in their life time. If reality exists, I believe it shouldn’t based on numbers (those people could percieve only in their limited period of existance). And so far as we can’t percieve accurately, it is vagueness that rules (Theories came from vagueness!). But once theorised, they tend to reveal us more possibilites; at times of “deeper” confirmations or outright negations) . But his process has been going on in history since a long time that it resembles the mathematical concept of limit, although we can’t comment anything accurately on its direction in our limited time frame……

“Exact scientists” are not people who know everything within their bounderies (Who defined bounderies? Did we analyse all subtilities inside each boundry? ). But comparitively better than anybody else in a rational sense but still, at times never had a feeling of what exists (‘to know’ is different from ‘to feel’).

Yes, I’m vague; just because rationality has a so called precise language of expression (I don’t know if it really is). But “emotions” or “feelings” are unexpressable in human language; when people put exclamation marks! But those things convey to different people in a different sense, all the same conveying something.

There is a difference between exactness (as in “rationality”) and vagueness (as in “emotions”) which cannot be compared in the same plane (quite trivial might be). When I express it, I find no language. Exactly! No language to convey some things which can only be felt. Atleast, the only optimism for me (I’m also human – a blend of both yin and yang as all!) is that all people can feel, although in different ways. And what is wrong about being different apart from our ego (which all do possess)?

Let me be a perfectly human male now- A classification but no discrimination.

This just means that I’m trying to speak from my heart and senses as far as possible; that expression is lesser distorted by pretentions about how you would like to be.

Why do people hate classifications as such? Classicfication (not in the sense of artificial barriers like religion, caste or creed), as like many other human terminlogies, doesn’t mean anything pertaining to a social action or mentality. It is just a tool for “memory” (which at times decides the intensity of your affinity too). What is wrong is the discrimination on the basis of classification. Yes, what I mean to say is that “we have to discriminate between discrimination and classification“. People tend to use classification as tool to discrimate, as evident from history. A short term solution might be “removal of all classifications”. It would serve as long as all human beings be idealist. But as long as that doesn’t happen, the paradigm of “some animals are more equal” will always turn up. The ideal state which I can think about is, when people give no meaning to classification other than as a tool for “rationalist” thinking. I emphasize here that discrimination and more than that the ill-treatment, comes due to involvement the of emotions along with classifications.

Yes. people discrimate not based on any rational. For “2 > 1″ gains a significance to affect life only when some emotions based on numbers get involved; that two is a “large” number. Large is something perfectly secular in mathematics. It doesn’t mean that something is “good” or “bad”. It is human consciousness that judges it. So a combination of emotions happen in our world so as to add adjectives. Yin adds “qualifications”, which form the spirit or emotions associated with every human being. While “Yang” form the meaning, which are our definitions. Both of them together make us! No discriminations here ………. Might be just that the people are different; made up of dissimilar combinations in a “rationalist” sense.

PS :- To Ashutosh – I thought of explaning my views, untill I found that mine couldn’t be. So language of “publication” (in any sense) cannot convey mine. They have to be felt. Atleast in one split second you did feel something inexplicable from here (IMSc), I guess ! (I believe you know what I’m talking about!). So somethings are simply unexplaninable by “rationality” (All though I do like to stick on to rationalism at some arbitrary points! But yes, still could feel a lot, although vaguely). I don’t think our language (any one for that matter) is that precise yet ……………!

“Nee Enn Sarga Soundaryamee” – A dare to translate my best song in malayalam.

I can’t imagine, simply can’t; a malyalee who has not liked this song. If he/she wasn’t still arround when this one came up. Or if he/she hasn’t heard this, till now. A glorious poem from the film “Kathodu Kathoram”. This is my favourite song. Romantic, poetic and everything great accroding to me. I wasn’t amazed when my uncle (presently working in those barren deserts of UAE) also liked it to the same extend. A generation gap of 10 years melted down before this sublime human feeling to love and to be loved …………

This is infact is a dare. A dare to translate this beautiful song to english (if you are a malayalee, I know how you felt about it). This is no authentic translation and I cannot claim the exactness in verses. Also, this isn’t a word by word translation either. This is simply the way I felt (forgive me for incompeteness, if it is). Just for the sake of it and with no intension to destroy the beauty of this beautiful piece of prose. I had no intention for such a “blasphemy” and would like to appologise, if in fact I have. I love this one and so just had a thought that if somebody else, who doesn’t know malayalam, could also appreciate it (might be my fault. Mia Culpa ).

The original verses, as accurate as I can recall, in manglish (malayalam written in english).

Nee Enn Sarga Soundaryamee (Original)

Nee enn sarga sounrayamee,
Nee enn sathya sangeethamee.
Ninte sangeerthanam, sangeerthanam
Ooro enangalil.
Paduvan nee teertha mann veena njyan.
Nee enn sarga sounrayamee ……

Poomanavum thazhe ee bhubiyniyum
Shenha lavanyamee ninte deevalayam.
Goopuram neele ayiram deepam,
Ozhuki ozhuki mezhukuthirikal charthi,
Madhura mozhikal killikalathine vazhthi ….
Melle, njyanum koode paadunnu

Nee enn sarga sounrayamee……..

Thalangalil deeva paathangalil,
Bali puujakkivar pookalanengiloo.
Poovukalaakam ayiram Janman,
Nerukil eniya thikina kanika charthi,
Thozhuthu thozhuthu tharalamizhikal chimmi.
Poovin Jeevan thedum sneham nee,

Nee enn sarga sounrayamee ………..

My Translation – To the enchantress of my poetic macrocosm

Oh dear;
You are the enchantress of my poetic macrocosm,
My eternal symphony.

Your incessant canticle,
Your magnificient rhythmic hymn,
To fiddle that harmonious melody,
To metamorphosis it into unexplicable reverberant tunes,
You created me as a string out of earthen pot.
And here I’m for you, for ever ……

Oh dear;
You are the enchantress of my poetic macrocosm.

The charisma from the sky
And the benevolent soil down below our feet
Stand still like a temple praising your love and exemplor.
And in each tower, flamboyant with a thousand flames of light,
You flow like candle lights, firing each unlit ones on the altar
As sweet melodious verses ever praised by birds.
Still, I yearned.
But could only sing within my reticence,
As the chorus with your voice …..

Oh dear;
You are the enchantress of my poetic macrocosm.

In those plates of flowers to be offerd to the deity,
In the tenderness of those sacrificial offerings,
Let my love be too.
To remain as the floral oblation for a thousand eons,
With a drop of sacred water on my forehead,
These folded hands and the meditating wink of my eyes yearn.
And you-
You are the love that searches the soul of each offered flower.

Oh dear;
You are the enchantress of my poetic macrocosm …..

PS : This is not an exact word by word translation. The author claims no responsibilty for its exactness.
A special thanks for Krishna Prasad, for pointing out some mistakes in the intial post of the same.

The Scar of a Withered Burn

“There is a reason for everything” – that is what they say. A statement equally used by hardcore thiests and antithiests, although rarely with a precise definition for reason. At times our own definitions appear to me to be too narrow to encompass all the subtlities of the provocation. So here I am writting this. The reason – define it for yourselves.

Actually, Yohan’s blog just changed my idea for today’s writting. After a journey to India’s IT capital and close encounters of the second kind with people’s intolerance and glorification of indivigualism in its extreme form (the typical Ayn Randish philosophy), I was eager to write something about it. But music sure has some effect a person’s mood. In fact, after listening to some good old Beatles‘ songs and Simon and Garfunkel, the world changed! I don’t know whether for good or bad ……..

“Hey Jude” created a gush of simple, little fondful memories. A friendly touch ………. “Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel reverberated deep inside. And yes, John Lennon once again made me “imagine”………

Every dream has a time to fade.
But crouches through the nerves
Till the last moment it lives.
Dreams leave scars as when the burns wither
So bright to rebel with the disdained days.
Yes, fire is the coolest massage
And knife the emolient touch
For the soul whose perish will make no waves ……

I guess the initial comments now make some reason!!!

The Road to the Crematory

Roses dried to ravaged, dark and brittle corpses.
Still waiting for the hunt of faithful savages.
As a haunting nostalgia;
The requiem of their veracious tenderness
Or the captivating intensity of redness,
Moisture smelled blood.
When cradle of civilisations gets carpet bombed,
When each wink of an innocent eye boil with tears,
Rampages cry for the bliss of blindness
And foot marks of history get ploughed to garbage pits,
Where should I look for solace?- A melody of harmony.
Winners and vanquished of the day,
You both will have your turns to make merry.
But tell me the road to the crematory of corpses,
There should I burn my dreams too,
And sit mourning till the next one comes up.

Rhythm divine!

Rhythm divine! Oh, I know what you are thinking. A self-proclaimed agnost using a word which should have been a taboo. Well, my dictionary is so large to incorporate great many words of all genres. Indeed, when it comes to music, I prefer the adjective divine to wonderful, marvellous and like. Of course, if it really deserves a word of praise in superlative.

Yesterday I bought three casettes. Thanks to the generosity of IMSc for paying us with a decent per diem D.A. All of them belonging to the Carnatic classical music genre. Instrumental. The best was the one named “Inspiration“. A concert by Kunnikkudi Vaidyanathan and Kunnikkudi Dr V Balasubramanian. It really turned out to be “an album for every generation” which “reveals different styles of Jazz interwined with intricate South Indian classical and folk themes“, as it claimed. Rhythm divine indeed!

The other two were a Violin concert by Kunnikkudi and a Mandolin concert by U. Sriram. Both are decent enough.

After two consecutive days with a “vodka” evening, as if mourning the fall of old Soviet comrades, it was a day of music. Back to the senses (Or is it another matrix!). Welcome to the real world! But what is reality? Oh, we had enough and more discussions about that here. Let me not bore the “curious” victims who stumbled up on my page due to some reason.

Basan!!!

The day was eventful in general, although not for me in person. There were a series of incidents ranging from dating spirit of some of our “usual suspects” to blog comment reply spree by us, lesser mortals. And of course, as usual, discussions and tempo incriment measures to enable a few otherwise hopeless geeks to hunt their dream. But I do not feel a lot of enthusiasm to write about those. Yes, they are the little things which make life colourful and interesting. Yet, interesting things need not always make you move the pen (Oh, keyboard! I’m sorry. For a while I went some 10 years back). Hmm, But there was one thing which really impressed me- a speech inside our dormitry! Well, to be or not to be, that is the question. Should I tell you or not …….

Chal bhai, Akhir baat to itni si hai ………

“Mere pyare bhayiyoo or bahanoo …..

San unnes sow paithalees mein kya hua…..
Jab unnes sow painthalees mein yeh nahi hua, to aaj kyoom ho rahe hai ….
Aur aaj yejo hoo rahee hai, whoh unnes sow painthalees mein kyum nahi hua ….
Aap jara sochiyeen, agar hum sab eise he khade rahe to unnes sow painthalees mein jo hua,
whoh samaj mein nahi ayenje.
Majar agar aap hamare sath chale, to hum jo unnes sow painthalees mein hua.
Uska kuch nahi hoone deenge or aap ko samaj ne ka jaroorat he nahi pandeenje…..
To pyare bhayioo or bahanoo hamare sath chale…..
Jab hum sath sath sath hein,
To unnes sow painthalees aab bhool sakte hein…..
Chaliyeeee…..
Uthistatha jagratha, praabhyavaran nibothatha ….
Yeh ek mahan kavi ya chitrkaar ka vachan hein jiska naam to hum bhool jaye ….
Lekin unnes sow painthalees kabhi nahi bhoolenge….
Jai Hind!
…… aree, thaliyaan ……….. “

Oh, please don’t misunderstand, for this attrocity was not my deed. And please do not refer this to any court of law for Laloo Prasad and his likes from various parties, may file a copyright violation case against me! This was in fact, a great basan (speech -babuwa, bihar mein, basan hote hai bhashan nahi!) by our great leader. “Desh Ke Neta” was giving his speech. I don’t know whether these were the exact words he used. Still, everything sounded same to me that I thought he was once again enthralling us with the same old legendary speech.

I thought for a while. Perhaps, he was right (or left or central or don’t know. I think even he doesn’t). I was trying to give all posible interpretation for this glorious and rebellious play with words (of course, those words might have loved our netaji that the same ones couldn’t stop coming!). I thought he was talking about some year. Something really bad must have happened then. I checked with my friends here and it turned out to be a familiar year-1947. Oh, so he must be a freedom fighter. But nah, he was too young for that. Perhaps, he was trying to convince us the need for yet another freedom struggle. Well, I agree. But who will free us from such great “basans” with content so deep (a parallel to George Orwell’s definition- war is peace and freedom is slavery, shalowness is depth!) for poor people like us to comprehend!!!

Soon after the “basan” I went to Netaji and expressed some of my concerns about the on going political and social scenario in India. Netaji was very glad to hear from a concerned citizen and prescribed a medicine for all malladies. “Atma ko jaan loo bache …… Hamare party ke yahi maksad hai ki ham tumhe atmagyan dee… oor ham tumhe yoga sekhayenje …. or humhe sabi manav barabar hai, kale ho ya gore, poorab ya pachim, malayali ho ya bihari ………. yeh jo desh hai mera, swadesh hein mera …. ” Ah, wait for a minute , is he going to sing? I never thought that I’m such a big sinner so as to undergo this torture!…….. But yes, Netaji had answers to all my questions. The only difference was that the sentence order of the previous answer was shuffled. I was more puzzled and thought whether he was a political leader or a yogi. Whatever, “Desh Ki Neta , hame chodiyee“. I cried. And he left me alone (Oh, glad that I’m left!)

I was glad that he found me as an evil(thank GOD! atleast, I’ll tell this, for they say that it was THEE who created evil! ). But, I’m concerned for the poor few good men inside. And again since, he had vowed to maintain celebacy, the girls were saved from his “basan“! (I still don’t know the connection between celebacy and delivering this glorious speech infront of girls) Our usual suspects, and my fellow evil men along with me are saved (worshipping devil do have some advantages!). But what about the poor good chaps? This is why I don’t like this GOD. They will never be saved.

PS:- This is just for fun and no pun intended against anyone. Or since this is a biographical note, I’ll put it as – All the characters in this blog are fictional. Any resemblence between characters in this blog to the summer students at IMSc, Chennai is a pure coincidence.

Rendezvous With Monsoon

“Monsoon. What is so special about it? Does it make you feel horny? …….“. What else should I expect from Ashutosh? But sure, a pardonable remark of an aspiring mathematician from Bihar. The one who believes in axiomatic approach, logic and consistency. To those who have only seen and experienced rain with their naive senses, monsoon is nothing fantastic. Just some drops of water, an analogue of bathroom shower. Perhaps, disgusting too.

Well, I thought about his second sentence. Does monsoon make me feel horny? Oh, yes. If you take sex as an unexplainable emotion, indeed biological, but something far away from a mere physical urge of a person or the logic to procreate and maintain population. (Do I resonate with Osho!!!! Sorry, I’m not a worshipper of that disgusting statement, “heaven through the hole“.) We were talking about monsoon. The feel of monsoon in Kerala is something unique, unexplainable and mystical……….

Am I becoming a pantheist? Of course, I wouldn’t mind to, for this sublime feeling.

I read from a few blog pages that there were showers in Kerala. But, staying here in this hot, humid and lifeless metro (Chennai), I’m disappointed for myself. This is the first time that I’m missing a monsoon. Nostalgiac memories of those cool droplets from sky, as if tears of a hot summer, filling all the paddy fields and gloomy hearts, haunt me. I miss you monsoon. I feel myself to be your lover………….. Yes, horny does make some sense for everyone!

Give me wings,
So that I can fly high and capture your first kiss.
Let me be rinsed with your miraculous touch of life,
Let me be a bubble of your effervescent love.
My loneliness is a moist summer,
Where sweats taste bitter than saltier.
And you didn’t come here my love.
You haunt me with each passing breeze.
And I fear missing you for this whole cruel year.
Yet, you will still be there as tears,
Evenwhile I cannot embrace you from here.

In my land would I like to build,
My eternal home when as ashes I be smeared.
Then will I be with you for ever.
Ever, ever and for ever.

Truely, it makes me romantic……… To quote the words (not his orignal) of my friend and college junior, Dileep (my english translation)

“No drop of a rain that kisses the land shall feel lonely as long as I am there. And never shall I be rinsed in loneliness when you are there….“

I miss your green serenity, Kerala…… I miss everything.

Who Am I?

This might sound like an FAQ for the generation -X or a philosophical question to the generation -(X-1). In fact, I meant both. Or rather you can read it the way you prefer.

First of all let me answer the question “what provocked you to write this blog?” . Well, we have discussions here through out. Still, I feel it difficult to comprehend the notions which people often keep. No one goes blameless here. But, this is not entirely inevitable either. When you have a mouth, why can’t you ask. “So Mr. what exactly is your politics? Your set of believes?” Or I would better prefer the word “axioms” (courtsey Ashu). And Sajith (M.Sc Maths, Pondicherry university, Summer student in Mathematics) wrote a comment in my previous blog, which I believe carries a lot of preconcieved notions. Let me not answer Sajith or any noble soul who carries skepticism for that reason. But let me do it so as to enable me to state them more objectively.

What does it mean, when I say I’m a liberal-left? :- An ideology is not a rock formed out of brittle and hard grains. It is a stupidity to create a rigid frame work and measure people by the amount they fit to it. For me liberal-left means, “people before profits” and “more equitable distribution of natural resources” in the economic front, “better democritisation and acceptance of plurality” in the social context and above all “never to respect power, but strength“. I believe that “the existence of a system is no proof for its inevitability” and “blind worship of power and intolerance to criticism are the biggest road blocks infront of progress”. I extend this to all aspects of human life. Progress for me is “that which is sustainable, futuristic and better for a larger humanity“.

There is a common notion that leftists are the people who bashes their own culture and search for values from outside. I refuse to answer this. What is ours and theirs? I consider myself being born and brought up here as a mere co-incidence. Of course, I owe something to the people arround me. But does that mean that I should be quoting Bhagavat Gita when I believe better words are written in Das Capital for some context? I prefer to wear typical Indian dress. Might be because I have been habituated and so I feel comfortable. It is perfectly fine for any aspect concerning “you” as a person. But when it comes to an issue involving more people, should we stick to our own dogmas or explore the world to find better solutions? Why should people think in terms of ours and theirs? After all, isn’t it better if we limit to what we think as good or bad? And atleast for me who is passionate about malayalam literature, nostalgiac about some simple things from my home land, bothered about exploring my cultural roots (although, not in the sense of blindly following everything), that question holds no water. I believe “my home is where the wind blows“

The next question is religion. Unfortuntely, this happens to be the one which is considered as the most important question in India. The fact that there are more temples in India than primary schools (even if it is church, mosque or any religious structure), itself make me uneasy. Well, humanity is my religion. I am an agnost and wouldn’t like to be bothered by things which can neither be proved or disproved. We can do better things if time is not wasted for such debates. I do not consider being a theist as a virtue or even a vice for that matter. It is just that people are different. And it is foolishness to impose a uniformity in thought pattern (such an attempt is my definition for fascism). Diversity is not a curse, but the essence of the beauty of nature. I respect and believe in pluralism. Most importantly, I believe in maintaining atleast a 1% skepticism in whatever we believe. As human beings, we all can go wrong. Blind faith in any institution is a bad idea according to me. And it is the history of humanity that makes me believe this (again with 99% confidence ).

Any more clarifications?