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Dear reader, do not mislead your imagination by thinking about the word ‘Kollaboration’. Well, according to the popular Manglish jargon, it means utter chaos (“complete kolam”).
The year was 2003 and the one reigned as the crowned prince of the first NIT (the new name of the college; full form – Naatile Institute for Thekuvadakku) Student Parliament. February was going on and there was utter “kolam” everywhere. The student union was geared to conduct the “Roogam” festival (a proper name for the things that happens on stage). The one had little time to sleep and forget intellectual activities like sessional exams and classes, which was never worth him. But in the hype of final year, like any young man, he too was reminded about the incompleteness in a campus life devoid of love. There are many opinions for why no girl went behind him (at least as much as we are aware). The first is because of the extraordinarily high sex ratio in NIT. For every boy three girls were on queue! Therefore, there is no charm in doing things that any Tom, Dick and Harry could do and so he ignored all girls.
Second opinion is that since too many girls were smitten by him, they called a meeting in the Ladies Hostel and it ended up in a fight. Thus, in order to avoid open fighting all girls kept their love as secret.
Yet another opinion is that the chorus around him (including me) had conspired as to break any budding relationship. But we ‘rowdikkans’ deny this allegation altogether. There might be but one truth in this. The ‘Knappan effect’. Knappan, the lone crusader now living at Madiwala has a unique power called ‘alabhya labhya shree’. Once he sympathizes with you, your love is automatically lost for ever. It is a sort of Pauli effect (the famous theoretical physicist whose presence will create problem in any experiment!).
Whatever the reason be, our hero decided to challenge fate. So came Valullavanmaarude day. A romantic February 14 th, when all Romeos virtually turn into some animal with a tail and do crazy things. But there was another problem. Who is the girl who deserves his attention? That was a huge problem, due to the quantity and quality (defined by the BQ- Beauty Quotient. It should be above 13 to be considered fairly good looking). At NIT, the average BQ for girls was 25!!! It was a horrible dilemma. By the norms of the party, he sent a request to the supremo, Dasseettan. He just conducted a quick investigation through the ‘intelligence’ wing (defined by IQ- should be less than 90 to be considered as a member of party intelligence wing). After considering the intelligence report and conducting a thorough ‘Google romance’ search, he concluded with a list of three girls in the preference order.
The second round of scrutiny rejected the candidature of the bottom two in the list. The one selected belonged to his junior year and the criterion was intellectual capacity. She was known as a highly mature and voracious reader; too serious about things. So as per party norms, Rajesh had no choice but to file an application. What a pity! The prince pleading to a ‘common’…. But I consider that the reader understands the circumstances and should note that this was to avoid an open fight between girls.
The hero sent three red roses. In each card a quote from the noted Lobel prize winning authors like Harold Robbins, Sydney Sheldon and John Grisham was considered. But due to the fear that it might go above the girl’s head, lesser ordinary literary figures like Marquez, Kundera and Cheguera were chosen. Obviously, the girl was able to understand everything, to the subtle details. So he phoned to her for days together. She wanted to say yes, but just like him, she too knew that such a move might cause a tremor in the LH. Like a true selfless lover, she had to reject with a thorn in heart……
After this incident the court poet Ashik Mathew and Ashique (known as ‘kumu’) dedicated a series of love poems in the name of their divine love. The most famous one was by Ashique, known as “avan chullanaayirunnu” (He was handsome hung, in English). I can’t put it here due to copyright infringement. But we all are really sad for not getting at least a Lobel prize for that magnum opus. Those in the judgment committee of these prizes are sheer hypocrites who feared they would loose their ground if that masterly work was given the prize.
Well, Rajesh had a broken love at the time of ‘Kollaberation’ and story is more or less same for rest of the Madiwalians. I am sure it was the conspiracy launched by our political opponents. We, the deserving bachelors, had just the same old story, although we don’t care. According to the Madiwala concepts this unique state (called ‘Dog Licked State’ or ‘naaya nakkiya avastha’) is described by the Sanskrit sloka composed by the great seer ‘vulgar’ (the name given by our political opponents to character assassinate this ’soft spoken’, Sanskrit pundit).
“Om poornamathu, poornamithu,
Poornath poorna moonchiyathe.
Poornasya poorna naayaya,
Poorna nakkichu lookathee”
…… As always, genuine people and geeks are rarely acknowledged by ordinary people at first.. So we consider it as the true measure of our greatness. They did not deserve us. And the one, once again escaped a plot of destiny.
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