Coming Back to Life ……. !

21 07 2005
This is just to express;not demanding answers or favours……. Absoluely for no reason! This craziness too makes me …… When I can’t speak, atleast words serves as a resort ……..
I didn’t like much of ‘rock’ or western (except some classics and a few selcted ones) until this one, suggested by Siyad (2003, trical passout; his favourite song). The song ‘Coming back to Life’ by Pink Floyd. And now I hear it more than anything. You know why? It communicates a feeling which must have hurt EVERY ONE at some point of time. ‘Where where you ……..’ And the ‘you’ doesn’t mean anything particular. May be a person or conditions (or GOD for believers or time ….) ….. But we must surely sing along atleast once …..

Coming Back To Life

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else’s words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun

I’m not devoid of any optimism. But yes, things have happened in such a way that I might have to keep ‘interests and ambitions’ aside for some time. Might not think about future this year. May work in silly things! Then go ahead once firm. No, fire WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. Conditions beckon me to live differently. Coming back to ‘life’ in a way ….. (as people define it) Not that life is just that small time gap ………The unpredictability makes life! And that makes it beautiful.

I didn’t apply for permanent lecture post at NITC (academic interest is the first issue). Deepak Sagar and Rejith (both working at L&T and Reliance Energy respectievely) are through the test and had ‘demo class’ today. But I feel GOOD for having not applied! Yes, to be not part of a system that STINKS! When ‘power’ is misused to such an extend (esecially in Dept. of Architecture as I could make out, although with no exceptions really) that primary purpose of an institution is forgotten; when being human is not tolerated but only machines are encouraged. I wrote earlier about my perspective about class. I WON’T TAKE ATTENDENCE, WHATEVER IT MEANS. I’m still confident about making people attend my classes. HIGHLY CONFIDENT. I WILL NEVER MISUSE POWER AS A TEACHER. The first thing that I told my class is ‘NEVER RESPECT POWER, BUT ONLY STRENGTH’. To not call me ‘Sir’ but my name so as to anble them to equally respectable as a teacher. Not to make them dummies, but dignified, sensible and confident human beings. Education is that which alleviates all fears from the heart of a student. Everything else is a mere conditioning. You know, I really feel educated! I don’t have fears. Concerns of course, since being human. But what is the worse that will happen? They might throw me up. Even otherwise I might be terminated after a month since the permanent recruitment procedure is on. So this is just for ONE month with 85% probablitiy. But it is not that which makes me do these. You should feel the heat from here. You can just live on without being bothered. But I don’t belong to that breed. Even if that is the cutoff for a semester long term.

About me …………. Hahahahaha … “Vaa keriya daivam erayum thranumennoru chollundallo …..!” I JUST DON’T HAVE FEARS ABOUT ME. Still, concerns about other people. While father is weak and sick, while other commitments burdens up, while I owe a career to my brother …….. I may be still have to unconventional ……………… LIFE IS GREAT! IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

You know, the best ‘humour’ in this world is also the creation of Jewish writters like Wodgehouse and likes …. (but still, Israel remains the most oppressive state in this world! What a paradox!). Even after centuries of torment; after ‘Oshwitz’ and ‘Nazi onslaught’, they could laugh at their life. A beautiful smile at their pathetic conditions and write brilliant words which could make anybody laugh. This is the zenith of greatness as I percieve now. To laugh at yourself; your sorrows. To look life from a higher plane …………… Hmm … Philosophical of course. But yes, I feel so …… And thank you Pink Floyd …..

πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚




7 responses

22 08 2005

hello ayyappa das!
plz continue the good work of blogging
praveen vr

1 09 2005

Dear Ayyappan

I would like to point something about you.. You are a narcissist beyond par. You loath individualists. But you dont realise that you , yourself are an individualist ( though you feel like denying it). But i dont think you have to deny it . After all .. ” When u start talking about self-sacrifice , revolution ceases to be “

2 09 2005
aYyApPaDaS a. M.

Well, thank you for the information about myself …… I don’t know the premises which made you conclude that I loath “Indivigualists” and still unaware of the reasons which made you convince that I presume to associate myself with ism’s of “revolution” or “self sacrifice” – the way you define them…… Do we know each other that well? …….. I don’t think so by any means since, there are only a few whom I think to have understood me to make an authentic comment ……..

Another question- Why should you associate people with “water tight” compartments of “isms”. A personal opinion- ‘All human beings are shades of grey; there lies no absolute black/white’. Therefore, do not find a reason to bash a supposedly unique “clan”, other than their actions …… Hence, I might be an indivigualist in some sense and leftist in another sense and still an “ordinary human being” in some other contexts …. There is no need of a denial. Still …..

OK, if you think I’m a ‘narcissist’, good for you and let you be nobler than that. “Holier than thou…..”

Thanks and no offense.

5 09 2005

I think i left out a few things to be clarified.

i called you narcissist , not because i have spared my personal moments to be devoured by your presence. but because following your words here i felt like you have fallen in love with yourself.and forgive my use of the word “narcissism ” i used it for “self-love” and afaik it doesnt fall in the category of isms as you termed it.

if i ca take the liberty of quoting one of your earlier blogs
*and close encounters of the second kind with people’s intolerance and glorification of indivigualism in its extreme form (the typical Ayn Randish philosophy), I was eager to write something about it”

this is one place where “i thought” you were loathing individualism. and in many places as a running thread in your words “i had seen” this resurfacing. so i just thought that it is a contradiction. and i was only suggesting that – ofcourse there is no reason why we should be ahamed of contradictions. that is what i meant to say when i quoted – ” revolution ceases to be when it talks of self-sacrifice” the word revolution does not bear any ideological connotations ( neither yours nor mine). i just wanted to say that – if somebody claims revolution is a form of self-sacrifice , then it ceases to be a revolution.that is even revolution – the epitome of self sacrfice in the conventional sense – is an indiviualistic activity. a form where you express your love for yourself.

7 09 2005
aYyApPaDaS a. M.

well, I never said “individualism” per say as bad even in the words you quoted …..

I do not agree with the “Ayn Randish” philosophy… Neither do with the “Adam Smith’s” theory of market. (There is no “invisible hand”. Things are quite visible if you look closely and neither will it deliver “good for all” in every case) That is all. My reason is different. To put it better, “philosophy is difficult but not impossible” (Courtsey to my friend Yohan). You can find logic and consistensies in whatever you argue for and it might sound equally illogical and inconsistant for others. Life is not mathematics!

All what I believe to be taken care is whether your own actions are limiting others’ “self love” -the same “love” that you have for yourself, to use your own terminology. Therefore, I believe socialism (not as a mere economical phenomena) is better than others ……

“Some things are hard to convey, they have to be felt.”- Yes, that too is a “self love”. But I’m not extending it to the limit of “bashing” others personally for not feeling them …..

What is the use of a mere so called ultimate theory that “self love, is all that exists for human beings”? You might find explanations based on such a theory for any human action. Fine enough, but tell me what good does such a theorisation delivers to the society and generations to come. I can even formulate a different theory about “ultimate nature of humans”; let us say as a combination of black and white ….. Well, but then I’m only formulating a theory and explaining things… I won’t be able to predict the behaviour of a person in a situation … Will I be? Can you do it, with the theory of “self-love is all what what we have”. So it is an indeterminate state…..

I’m an agnost for similar reason. I try to view things through the perspective of impact that it will have on a larger humanity (about general issues)- May be I’m only loving myself with that. But does it mean anything? That is only a statement…. a mere statement… neither can you extend that statement any further than just explaining things I do making things more and more complicated ….. It is just like putting a full stop to things by stating that “GOD exists” and hence he(gender issues too!!!) does it that way ………

12 09 2005

” i refuse to prove that i exists” says God “for proof denies faith, and without faith i am nothing”

“but”says man”the babel fish is a dead give away. it could not have evolved by chance. it proves you exists. and so therefore by your own argument, you don’t. Q.E.D”

“oh dear”says God”I hadn’t thought of that” and promplty vanishes in a puff of logic

13 09 2005
aYyApPaDaS a. M.

Well, all you proved here is that “logic at times contradicts itself”. So, we have the liberty to choose our way; if even logic isn’t perfect and pure faith is more so, let us not preach, but live without harming others …….

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